&whispers · in · the · sun

you're lying.

you always have something to say.

so my computer crashed last week. my main desktop computer anyway. nothing could be recovered and i guess this is some lesson to me about procrastination cause i kept procrastinating (like, for 5 months) about backing up all my files and whatnot. so now i have a blank and empty main computer. haha it's kinda weird having everything erased from your computer. it was, after all, the computer i used to store all my images and music and work and chats and everything for the past 7-8 years (idk whenever time machine came out for mac). at first it was a little disheartening and i felt a little lost, but as i thought about it, it was quite a nice way to 'start again' with a clean slate. i don't really like my past to say the least, i don't think anyone does, really. the friends whom i thought would stay with me forever always left somehow or i subconsciously/consciously pushed them away for some insignificant reason. i've also realized how little i mean to some people and how little some others mean to me. it was somewhat disappointing to know that someone would just throw away all our photos together like it meant nothing. it probably did mean nothing i guess, if that person could do that. it's still a little disappointing to lose 5 years of one of the best friendships i thought i had. i guess i'm still trying to come to terms with a blank hard drive. sigh i still can't bear to use such a bare computer so i've been glued to my laptop and ipad instead :/ somewhat annoyed too, because there's no longer ms word, photoshop or any of the ilife programmes. grr.

haha i guess all this confirms my suspicions of us becoming a lost generation one day with so much information stored in computers.

also very thankful and hateful that facebook exists because it stores everything i hate to remember.

will be leaving for university in about 2 months time. a little ashamed because i feel like i can leave everything behind so easily.

-

if you've been curious about what i've been up to and why i've been away from lj for so long, it's because i've just been lazy. i think the holidays somewhat gets to you after awhile. there's no longer any need to vent anything through writing on a blog. then i've been travelling a little, working and just meeting up with my old friends for high tea. haha despite everything i said above, i do hope i'll stay friends with these few people throughout life. it's quite funny how true it is that you find our who your true friends are after you leave school and all. i've also had several crazes over the past few months, like neverending steak & lamb cravings, online shopping sprees, cosmetics sprees, baking sprees, asian cosmetics sprees, and most recently, some strange health spree.. which is really odd for me cause i usually couldn't be bothered any less about my health. i'm a little disturbed too since this health craze comes with drinking spinach smoothies (that are actually really really yummy), eating things like wheatgrass, and vegan cravings. being overly health conscious to the point of going vegan and gluten free, dairy free etc is such a pain though... all the recipes call for such weirdass ingredients like some obscure organic brand gluten-free flour, agave instead of sugar, and like ugh i don't even know there's just so many strange substitutions. oh, and about asian cosmetics and all that stuff, they actually do work incredibly well.

ah, and this was an interesting read that i recently stumbled upon; http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/design/2012/04/pantone_color_forecasts_are_they_accurate_.html

that's all!

haha i know most people wouldn't rly care about this but right now i'm pretty high on one of my recent purchases, the mirror air ^^ i swear it's one of my most useful novelty item purchases.

here's the link: the mirrorbook air

i bought it at barcelona airport for about 9 euros. which i know is a lot to spend on a compact mirror but still )': IT'S SO COOL. and it's incredibly accurate as well. like, comparing it w my own macbook air... it's like, seriously accurate! except the apple logo on the mirror air isn't the apple logo.. but everything else is. from the keyboard to the smallprint on the base and even the usb plugs and everything! the only thing i don't like about it is that it has a slight snap at some turning points. haha sigh.

things can make me so happy. i'm also super happy with the clothes i bought around spain, and random other souvenirs (both for me and my friends) like the small swords, fans, pastries and all from the nunnery (well, there was a charity drive thing going on where the cookies & truffles the nuns made were being sold - not by the nuns themselves cause they aren't allowed to do that though). hehehe i wish i could have so many things but i already have so many things sigh and i don't know how to get rid of some old things to make space for my new things!

also recently realized a bad habit i have which is that i seriously do not wear most of my clothes more than once or twice :/ or use other stuff more than once or twice. time to start a list of my new years resolutions. along with that resolution, i also seriously need to stop being lazy and not doing my uni applications or job applications. MORE IMPORTANTLY the uni applications i keep telling myself that it needs to be done but i can't bring myself to do it. sigh. why do i even have to go to uni - sorry, a 'good' course in a 'good' uni.

spain update in a few days. annoyed because i can't find the camera cable for one of the cameras so i don't want to upload photos just yet )=<

also realized that i rly need to be stop being so superficial but what's the point in not being so superficial?

i'm a really lazy person and i realise how incredibly weird it is that i love planning more than doing anything else in the world. i seriously. love. planning. i like doing research on every minute detail and making lists and filtering good ideas and bad ideas in my mind. i love calculating approximately how long something will take to do and how much leeway i should give myself, and checking how much all the resources will cost, where to buy them, when to buy them and what my budget is (and how to cut it down). more than anything, i'm absolutely addicted to the feeling of security that comes with planning.

despite all this planning, however, i hardly ever do go through with any of my plans.

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just to let anyone who may read this know, after my last paper next week (and whatever post A's shopping that comes with it), i will be leaving for spain for about 2 weeks. i'll be roaming around seville & granada and well, that's about it. haha & i'm currently slightly peeved that my parents are withholding information about the trip (i.e. the exact dates and exactly where we're staying) from me which makes it incredibly difficult to plan anything because i can't come up with an itinerary or decide on exactly how many clothes to bring. well, i mean i can, but it just won't be accurate. i did try searching for the place we're going to stay in by checking which places are booked up for the rough dates we'll be there.. and narrowed it down from like, 20 houses to something like 5 houses? for some reason everyone seems to be going to & leaving seville and granada around the same time. A levels are incredibly annoying too because it's stopping me from going out (yes, i have been on self-imposed & family-imposed 'house arrest' since A's started =_=) to buy stuff that i need.

"Nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you." - Nicole Krauss in The History of Love

It's amazing how you always know exactly what to say to cheer me up, or calm me down and how at the end of it all, you'll make me feel like everything's going to be okay. I love how you have absolutely nothing to gain, and in fact, you've gone through so much shit for me, but you still find it in yourself to help me (and do more than whatever it is I asked for) and entertain me especially when I'm feeling like crap. It's so insane to me because I know you know and yet you remain such a great friend and you always make me feel like I'm worth caring for somehow. Haha but at the same time, it's really sad because I know you won't be there for me for the rest of my life and because I can't 'repay' you in any sense since you never let me do so. Sigh. Somehow you make me feel like I'm worth everything and nothing at the same time. ~rambleramble~

I tweeted that quote above a few days ago and it got retweeted at least 5 times by friends & random friends of friends whom I don't know, which is quite a few retweets if you're an average person I think. I guess it's slightly comforting to know that there's others who feel the same way, but it's still kinda sad how the world/relationships/whatever work like this.

Wish I could be something more.

this is utterly insane and it's kinda sad that this is the world we live in.

(read article)

i mean, we pay millions to already rich & famous people to show us how screwed up this world is even in matters of love.

Wow. Right now I am ADDICTED to haribo cola gummies. I swear they are amazing. Hahaha. My sleep cycle just flipped 12 hours so now I'm sleeping at 9pm and waking up at 5am.. instead of sleeping at 9am and waking up at 5pm. I don't understand how my body's so screwed up it can just flip like that in one day. It's totally strange and probably very unhealthy and I really hope I don't fall sick again. It's really disgusting cause I've fallen sick with a 39.8deg fever for every single exam this year. Including mocks. Sigh. Anyway, random life updates! &Sorry the photos are really quite shitty because they're just taken with my phone and never in ideal lighting or anything.



( Read more... )

FInally,

4. Today's my sister's birthday!
Haha I'm quite ashamed actually because I feel so shallow and like, materialistic compared to her. Oops? Like, all she wants for her birthday is to go to a bookshop. Haha hope she likes the present I got for her. Hmm. and hope I'm not a bad influence on her in the years to come. Made a major mistake by introducing Pokemon to her a couple of weeks ago. She's hooked. & That is an understatement. Sigh, my mum thinks my sister ought to go out and socialise more.. and I should be locked up in a cage... :/

That's about all. I was planning on concluding nicely, but that was ages ago and I can't remember how I wanted to do so now.

There's approximately 150h till A levels....... damn.

sigh i've so much angst going on in my mind i just had to put it all somewhere. i have so many issues with the world ): maybe it's just some hormonal thing or inevitable pre-A's angst.. but i really hate how this world works sometimes and i've been thinking about all this too much i keep getting distracted from studying, it's terrible! haha. well if you're not in the mood for any angst, just skip ahead and don't click.

also, this is a rant about really shallow things so...
( rant here. )

sigh okay enough angst. and those are my 3 basic issues i have (like, the shallow ones anw). i don't want to go into my problems with the education system because it's just so bleh to do that right now, 9 days before A levels.

it's really been an incredible two years.



( oohlalove )

i feel like i've grown so much these two years. & i wish i could stay in acjc forever. i'd live them all over again, embarrassing fml moments, shitty results and all. i've never been late to school before, which is seriously a miracle that you'd know if you were from mg with me, and i don't think it's just because i carpool to acjc. haha i really enjoy going to school. i love all the breaks and all the people and well, not so much the lessons, but they're pretty okay if i get to sleep in them/the teachers are real funny & nice.

haha sorry this is quite a crappy end-of-jc post. i wish i could write it like, poetically and all. but you know.

( PHOTOS(: )


bye(:

haha i know this is probably getting quite sickening, but with the overwhelming amount of work to be done for the upcoming A levels (and other deadlines), it's the only thing i really want my mind to drift off to. i miss you and the times we used to had and i always wonder if you'd remember why you ever even bothered. haha. sometimes i wish you'd read this and think about it all. i don't think you honestly don't care about anything. you act that way because it's safer and that's how i try to be too. i always try to appear unaffected by things and maybe that's why people sometimes think i have a stone cold heart. i hope you see more than just a cold exterior or an overly friendly one for that matter.

eaten so much pizza today. ugh. dad accidentally ordered the 21 inch instead of the 12inch pizza. dying. DYING. craving mcspicy too. i've never had a mcspicy in my life. haha.

was having one of the most retarded arguments in my life earlier today. my friend was trying to say that babies were more disgusting than purple food colouring, and i was saying that purple food colouring was rly disgusting cause it's so artificial, and my friend was like 'artificial means it's made by humans, so isn't everyone artificial?' haha well before that i was like "_______ IS ARTIFICIAL HAHAHAHA" because i was slightly high.